worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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