This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
wow bdsm is so cute
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
