omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
