I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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