we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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