My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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