So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
