you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
