Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
should my penis look like a turkey
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
