are you so shy because you have an std?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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