Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
