So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
