end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
