whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
