She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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