I just threw up on my dentist
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Semen is not good for contacts.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize