The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
