I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize