Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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