Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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