in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
