nut hugger
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
