just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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