they need to just BURY HIM!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
