He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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