I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
