I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
