Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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