Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
