Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
