why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
