I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
