oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
