i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
