I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
