It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
