You can't special order awesome
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
