I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
