3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She needs sedatives and a leash
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
