Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
