i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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