he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
