Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
