I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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