Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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