Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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