I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
