There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
