didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
