how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
