Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
