remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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