I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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