In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
