Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
