Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
