Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
