Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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