He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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