How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
